Me: yea I can take a punch
Brad Pitt: yeah? *hits me*
Me: harder daddy
Brad Pitt: what?
Me: what?
More you might like
Me in Fight Club
there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of
you put it into words
Interesting
me: hey
friend: *after two minutes of not replying* hey whats up
me: *washing the gasoline off myself* not much hbu
just now realized the implication is the person was about to light themselves on fire. i’ve had this tagged as #me for months thinking it was just a post about loving gasoline
Fuck me up
I became poor watching this
The dried berries are fucking me up someone explain how they do that
This shit probably cost 300 a plate
I’m beyond confused 😭
me walking into a cvs at midnight: i need to lift a curse
employee: aisle 5
me: thanks
Literally me.
Me watching a double penetration video: god i wish that were me
Me after cumming: nvm I love my body
I love you so much and you mean the whole entire world to me
I love you so much and you mean the whole entire world to me
I love you so much and you mean the whole entire world to me
I love you so much and you mean the whole entire world to me
Me: curves 99% of the niggas tryna talk to me
Me: ……gets curved by the nigga I actually want
Equivalent exchange
A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad
The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!”
One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?”
He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!”
Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?”
And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits”
And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.
I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long.
So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.”
Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy
A good post, pure.
Another adorable story has been added.
Me: Excuse me, but how can I get to the freeway from here?
A dom top: I’m a dom top 😈🔝 looking for my sub bottom. No fems, masc only. Into whites and asians. Act like a man we’ll get along just fine 👌 open to gym partners as well
Me: I just want to go home